MMA Jesus, UFC Jesus, Ninja Jesus: How Mark Driscoll And Brandon Beals Are Trying To Make Jesus Look Good

A famous theologian once questioned who the historical Jesus really was?  He questioned who the contemporary Jesus is today?  He then boldly posited his understanding and preference of what Jesus he would pray to!  And around that fictional lunch table, Ricky Bobby inspired many around the world attempting to answer that age old question with innovative ideas.  WHO IS JESUS?  This is a “cleaned up” version of that scene:

A few years after Ricky Bobby presented his thesis on the 8lb 6oz baby Jesus to the world, men like Mark Driscoll, formerly known as “The Cussing Pastor”, and Brandon Beals a.k.a. “The Fight Pastor” went on to present us with their versions.  Whether they took their cue from David Murrow, John Eldredge, Brad Stine or Ricky Bobby, these pastors are presenting the Jesus they have an affinity towards.

Last Year there was a “Men’s Training Day” where “Talk One” was titled “Why the church needs fighting men” by Scott Thomas – Executive Pastor at Mars Hill Church in Seattle and Director of Acts 29 Network.  This falls in line with Driscoll’s teachings:  “According to Driscoll, “real men” avoid the church because it projects a “Richard Simmons, hippie, queer Christ” that “is no one to live for [and] is no one to die for.” Driscoll explains, “Jesus was not a long-haired … effeminate-looking dude”; rather, he had “callused hands and big biceps.” This is the sort of Christ men are drawn to—what Driscoll calls “Ultimate Fighting Jesus.”Paul Coughlin, author of No More Christian Nice Guy (Bethany House, 2005), agrees: The problem with the wimpy Jesus of the popular imagination is that “a meek and mild Jesus eventually is a bore. He doesn’t inspire us.””

As of this post, you could find the following “series” on Canyon Creeks Website:

According to Beals, what led him “to find Christ was that Jesus was a fighter”.  On his website under the “About” section, he writes that the “ethos” of that ministry is “Representation” and by that he states “We want to make Jesus Look Good”.   

Driscoll and Beals seem to think they were pretty clever or innovative by presenting to us the “Ultimate Fighting Jesus”, but it doesn’t seem all that original anymore.  I don’t claim to know whose original thoughts are whose, but, I’m sure if you pray, the Omniscient Jesus might tell you.  


And now I present to you some Ninja Jesuses or Jesusses or is it Jesii, never thought I would have to consider the plural form of Jesus! Nevertheless, in hopes of avoiding blasphemy, here it goes:


And finally, from the highly coveted series brought to you by we have:

Not sure if this is Sensei Jesus, or Christ is breaking up a fight or Jesus is being attacked by small demon gingers!!! Nevertheless, I think one of these pieces of art should rest on the desks of Driscoll and Beals!

Better yet, to remind these two tough guys of the Ominbenevolent Jesus, they should have the before and after set!


And after Jesus is done with them:

Someone should send Tiger Woods Golfing Jesus, and he should think of every woman in his future as in the arms of Christ… although this rendition creeps me out a bit.

To see the rest in the series visit,! Those Catholics really crack me up, I just hope they don’t go to hell for making Soccer Jesus play with flip flops!  ….Or maybe they aren’t joking when they make Jesus in their own image and likness. 

Why can’t we stop trying to make Jesus look good and stop looking for a Jesus the best fits us.  Instead, we should allow the “Jesus of testimony” to change us!  We should read Jesus and the Eyewitnesses: The Gospels as Eyewitness Testimony, by Richard Bauckham.


One response to “MMA Jesus, UFC Jesus, Ninja Jesus: How Mark Driscoll And Brandon Beals Are Trying To Make Jesus Look Good

  1. Probably the first time “Ricky Bobby,” “ninja Jesus” and “Richard Bauckham” have ever been mentioned in the same blog. Well done!


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